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Ask Alma: My Wife Walked Out on Me, Now She Needs My Help



By Alma Gill (NNPA News Wire Columnist)

Dear Alma,

My wife is vicious with a capital “V!” We were married for eight years and over that time had two sons. She did everything imaginable. She lied to me, stole from me and manipulated me. Here are a few examples. She stole money from her employer, lied to her family and said I was abusing her. She also had several affairs and called the police and tried to have me arrested under false pretenses. It was absolutely insane. Finally, she walked out on us and I raised my two boys alone. Both are young men now 21 and 23. I never remarried, just worked hard and devoted my time to my boys. Luckily my sister and my mom helped out and the boys are very well rounded and doing just fine. I can’t say that however about my ex. She continued her shenanigans and ended up in and out of jail. She just recently resurfaced and isn’t doing well. She has AIDS and is asking my son to help her out. He just finished college and is barely making it on his own. He’s determined to help his mom and, from what his brother tells me, is giving her $200 a month. You know what that means? He’s short every month and I’m have to replenish that $200 so that he can make ends meet. Which means I’m giving the woman who took me through Hell money every month. I’m pissed and don’t think I can take it much longer. I don’t want to alienate my son, but how do I let him know he is not in a position to help his mother and that he needs to back off and let this go?

What Goes Around

Dear What Goes Around,

Wow, that’s a tough situation you were able to maneuver. I’m sure it was heartbreaking and not what you expected when you said, “I do.” God bless you, Big Papa, for stepping up and taking care of your boys. I’m sure they are growing into fine, young men with the love and examples they learned from you. Yep, you did right. That’s why your son is helping his mother. Don’t be mad at him. He has longed for her all these years, wishing, hoping, praying she’d come back and make up for all the strife and hurt she caused. She didn’t do that. Well, as far as we know. Just because he hasn’t shared any “restin’ on my heart” information, that doesn’t mean she hasn’t expressed her sorrow and asked him for forgiveness. You’d be surprised what we can say right before death comes knocking. He’s had a tough time. You’ve always been there for him; don’t stop now. If it’s not a hardship, keep funneling the money. God is using you to be a blessing to your ex and a blessing to your son. I know it’s hard, but there’s so much more in store for you on the other side — the other side of this difficult circumstance.

He won’t have his mother long, but he’ll always have the memory of how much his father, when faced with inexcusable circumstances, was always able to rise and stand tall as the man who took the high road. Let this one silently play out. When your time comes to be parked in the tough lane, and it will come, you’ll be overwhelmed by the river of blessings that will flow. Larger than anything you could have ever imagined or prayed for. Don’t consume your thoughts about our ex, support your son, all the way to the end. He’s gonna need you and you will have provided him with a clean conscious, that he had done all he could for his mother. You will allow him to be free from regret. What a blessing. I’m so proud of you.

Hey, send me your phone number. I have a few friends I wanna hook you up with. LOL. Just to chitchat over coffee. Hey now!

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

Freddie Allen is the Editor-In-Chief of the NNPA Newswire and Focused on Black people stuff, positively. You should follow Freddie on Twitter and Instagram @freddieallenjr.

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