Speaking with Kids About Mental Health

By Dr. Patrice Le Goy, PhD, LMFT, MBA | International Psychologist and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist | Jacksonville Free Press

When recently speaking to a group of soon-to-be therapists, and one person made the comment that they were afraid to work with kids. They were concerned that they wouldn’t know the right thing to say, that they wouldn’t be able to help, or worse, that they would damage them for life (trust me, it’s unlikely).

But you can imagine that if trained therapists feel anxiety about talking to kids about their mental health, it can be even more difficult for parents and caregivers without this training! I have had the good fortune of working as a school counselor (and being a parent myself), and all the kids have taught me so much, which I’m happy to share with you. Here are some tips about how to talk to kids about their mental health:

1. Don’t wait until something is wrong to have a conversation with your child. It is so helpful to have regular conversations about mental health so your child does not feel targeted or defensive when you open up a dialogue.
2. Be thoughtful about your approach. This is based on what you know about your child – are they most likely to share at the end of the day or when they first get home from school? Every kid is different, so if you are noticing your child is not engaging in the conversation, maybe table it for a time when you know they will be more enthusiastic about the topic.
3. Make sure your conversation is age and developmentally appropriate. Sometimes, as parents, we can go in a different direction than what our child needs. Often, that is based on our own needs or concerns. Address the person in front of you and what they need to understand in a way that can absorb it.
4. Tell your child what you are noticing and then check in to see if it is accurate. Don’t assume you know that their behavior is due to a certain issue (such as stress or depression). Notice the outward signs you are seeing and invite them to tell you about the reasons behind those signs.
5. Leave the conversation open. Sometimes we get discouraged as parents if you ask your child questions or share with them and you get a 2-3 word answer (does “I’m fine” or “I don’t know” sound familiar?). Remember, you may just be planting the seed for a future conversation. The important thing is that your child knows you are a safe space to have difficult conversations, so when the time comes

If you have relationship or mental health questions, email pjada@povagency.co.